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May 13, 2023

Nobody told me being a grandfather required me to be a handyman, too

Being a grandpa has been an interesting experience. Of course I have only been

Being a grandpa has been an interesting experience.

Of course I have only been at it for a couple of years with my three grandkids, but it seems to be going well. Everyone told me how great it was going to be and they were right.

But nobody told me about the handyman work that can be involved. I am still working on the 2,000-piece jigsaw puzzle with 25 pictures of my granddaughter, Bella. The cats have destroyed at least six pieces, and they still manage to evade my protective measures and tear pieces of the puzzle apart now and then. At least it is easier to rework by the fourth time.

But that's something I am used to suffering through. My new bane in life showed up in the backyard the other morning. There was a large flat cardboard box with the pieces of a child's playhouse. I was expecting a playhouse, but I was thinking plastic, like put it in place and go on.

What I got was a large pile of wooden pieces and a 55-page, 50-step assembly manual. It estimates that two adults will take from three to five hours to assemble the house. Not the two adults in this house.

If it only took that long then there wouldn't be bags of screws, bolts and parts labeled from A through N. I think everything is there. The little stickers on each piece sometimes fall off so you are scrambling through all the pieces looking for this support or that flange.

My wife attempted to check off all the parts, but Bella wanted to do it herself. Well, it is her playhouse. But she isn't too good at writing yet.

We were lucky that the four walls came assembled and just had to be unfolded. And thank heavens the door was already attached.

But then the carpentry work started. The manual insists that you make everything square or flush. The doorbell, yes there is a working, chiming doorbell, had a special hole in the door where it went. The cell phone holder went under the doorbell. It, at least, is a toy phone.

Bella is fascinated with tools, screwdrivers particularly. She latched onto some open bags of screws and meticulously put them in holes in boards. Not the right screws or the right holes or the right boards, but she is only 19-months old. She worked hard.

Since, I have been able to sort all the loose screws and parts, but she will be back. Hopefully I will have the sink, faucet and stovetop in place by then. I think the sink installation is more complicated than the one in our own kitchen was. Since I messed that up there isn't much hope for the playhouse.

If we ever get everything assembled, the instructions want us to coat the house with wood preservative and then recoat it every year after that. I don't put that much effort into my real house.

I haven't even had the courage to look at the instructions for how to assemble what appears to be an elaborate roof. So far, no injuries, but an electric drill is involved so there are no guarantees.

Pray for me. I am afraid, very afraid.